evening report

Nothing much to say right now other than thankfulness for my open-ended schedule as of late. It is a blessing in and of itself to allow conversations and ideas breathe, letting them take their course.

I’ve been showing a few people these poems individually and, tonight, thought, “Gee, Steven, why not make another spot for them on the internet.” These poets, Danny Sherrard and Anis Mojgani, are both from Seattle and have both won nationals (Mojgani having won it more than once). Please enjoy if it suits your fancy.

Also, the gang (not crime affiliated) is headed to Darren and Lindsey’s wedding this weekend in Arkansas! I anticipate good times shared with close friends in celebration. Going into a weekend with expectations like those, my heart swings without reserve from ropes tied to trees over the creeks of tomorrow.

One week

I think I’ve been writing too much about Steven lately. When I say Steven, I’m referring to myself. Here’s to a more outward focus:

It’s been almost one week since graduation, and not-quite-as-almost one week since mother’s day, but I’d like to show this. In perusing the online world of spoken word poetry I came across this video of a poet named Amir Sulaiman doing a piece which talks about masculinity and his mother’s sacrificial raising of him. Mom, I’m not sure if you read this, but – Happy Mother’s Day, I love you. Enjoy the poem!

graduate gradient

Two declarative sentences: Graduation was on Saturday. This post is a little scattered.

The first large event of the day was doing laundry at Roy’s.  I love doing laundry at Roy’s. There is a liveliness at laundromats that takes me back to going places with my parents in our white Nissan truck (the only car) when my brother, David, was a toddler and John was still on the way. One day, I might be able to explain exactly why the young families and their crazy kids bring me such joy, but for now I’ll just say that they do.

From there I went to have lunch with family and some of my dearest friends. After my dad had blessed the food, fighting tears that only a father could understand, Ben looked at me and said, “You’re loved.” This is a true statement. My parents have flaws just like anyone, but they become difficult to see in light of the love they show for their children, family, and friends. There are few people that I have known personally who eagerly give of themselves as selflessly as they do. I am thankful for them, their example, and I hope that the kids I don’t have yet will say half this much about me. Thanks Mom and Dad. I love you. My whole extended family is awesome. Also present were friends who have stuck with me, helped me when I needed them, and taught me that God is love with their lives. I felt like the luckiest guy in Texas on Saturday afternoon. Considering that some people feel like the luckiest in the world just to live in Texas, this is a big deal.

Walking by the long line of graduates, recognizing a few warm faces – Leslie, Erica, Gunnar, Andrew Walsh… – and then lining up before heading out onto the floor of the Coliseum all reinforced this point – we are undoubtedly small to just about everyone, but we have the potential to be a big part of the lives of a few. I stood with all eight graduating math majors next to the gaggle of journalism majors. None of them (except Erica) knew me but were perfectly content (as they should be) to talk and joke with their friends from the Journalism Department. However, while I was talking to Andrew Walsh and Dr. George James, the guy next to me from the math department, Brian, the boldest and proudest atheist I’ve met, kept trying to start a conversation with me. Eventually, I got over my selfishness, though never completely, and we had a good talk regarding the different prophecies surrounding 2012 as the year of the apocalypse. We ended up talking off and on almost all the way through the ceremony. It seems like God always brings people into my life that I wouldn’t initially want to get into a conversation with because of a different agenda I have to remind me that my life isn’t mine. My time isn’t mine. The Lord has kept me here for a reason, and it’s not for me to goof off with my friends. I’m thankful that Brian and I got to talk.

Fast forward to Sunday afternoon doing children’s ministry during the first service of The Well. Here are these precious 3-5 year olds who know nothing of college, bills, philosophy, or marriage. I connected with one of the kids, Owen, who had long blond hair, spelled his name O-Y-A-D when asked, and had all the energy of a puppy at dinner time. After the story, he pulled a piece of gum from his pocket and screamed “I’ve got this, I got it, I got it! I’m gonna eat this!” and proceeded to stick to his word. It was HILARIOUS. Later on we talked about how we can love God by sharing. Thousands in the Coliseum on Saturday watched me graduate without a thought as to who I was, but on Sunday afternoon Owen went home knowing about me, and I went home knowing him, hoping he remembered something about God’s love and sharing past the play-doh and toy hammer.

On Sunday night over dinner with my family, aunt and uncle, and grandparents, I was asked what the top 5 things were that I learned at UNT. In no particular order, these were the four in my response.

• It is good to be humbled, or “kicked around” a little bit. (Thank you UNT College of Music, Topology, Dr. Monticino, and God, who brought me to and through all of them).
• There is no better use of our lives than surrendering them to the Lord for His glory.
• There are serious problems to be worked out in the public education system.
• Education is a privilege. I learned to enjoy “retreating to the woodshed” to perfect my craft. Hours alone rehearsing, studying, or writing, should not be seen as obstacles to the rest of life, but rather as opportunities to cultivate the mind and glorify God.

I think Stephen Curtis Chapman said it best:
“There’s no better place on earth than the road that leads to heaven. No other place I’d rather be, yeah.” 

FIN

The above word commonly appears at the end of French films and means “end”. Sometimes you’ll see “LA FIN”, which means “the end.” I use it here in reference to my dealings with UNT as an undergraduate. BAM.

Been writing more this week, and I saw Ben writing more this week.

Life is sweet. You’ll find me drinking it deeply.

coming to a clothes.

For the sake of a pun and a point, I have foregone article/noun agreement rules in the title. Aforementioned pun will be explained in the following paragraphs.

Aside from a few tests and walking across a big stage, the college chapter of my biography is over.  I’ve already seen it happen to a lot of friends and also seen the normalcy of their post-graduation lives set in, so the event in my own life comes with little surprise or mystique.  To be honest, I don’t feel like I did anything.  It’s easy to see where I’ve learned about certain topics and honed some of the interests I already had going into college, but the sense of accomplishment I’d like to have as I approach graduation is absent.  A lot of majors prepare its students to be skilled in a specific job or field so that the whole time in college a student can say “I’m training to be _____” or “I want to go into _____”. However, a lot of them don’t, of which Mathematics is one; though there are a bountiful number of math-related areas one could study further in order to pursue them. Incredible professors, some rigorous courses, and an on-site mind-refresher-teacher-trainer called the Math Lab have all stretched me, humbled me, and developed a love for study within me that I didn’t know before beginning the program as well. My minors in French and Music have been incredibly enjoyable/valuable and I wouldn’t trade the training I received in either of those areas for any other.  Yet, the question remains – for what?

Studying drumset and percussion with José Aponte for four semesters was the bomb. I can even admit that sometimes, staring at a theorem for hours figuring out why it’s true (before spending hours more proving it) was awesome.  Learning to communicate in another language and apply that to English has been fantastic.  Playing in a South Indian ensemble conducted by mridungam virtuoso Poovalur Sriji with Nate Werth and Jonathan Gregory was one of the more nerve-racking and mind-stretching experiences I’ve had. During the time in college I’ve acquired a newfound love for writing and performing poetry as well (this is what I like to do most). But when it all comes down to it, the main issues of a) what are you going to do to support yourself? and b) how will you glorify God with that? are the ones that need answering. With the training I’ve received at UNT, I am better prepared to:

• Teach high school Math or French (the option that is looked down on in most fields but I like it)
• Get the occasional gig as a drummer/percussionist
• Write music/songs
• Do statistical research (*cough*)
• Go do any of these in another country (preferably French speaking…? It’d be convenient)

This is where the college time of “hey I’m just going to study what I like and hang out with my friends and stuff” comes to a close and the time to put on the new clothes of adulthood, higher responsibility, vocation, and ministry begins. And boy oh boy, I am excited about it.

Where to live? What to do? What to pursue? How to love? God has broken me down and built me back up enough in my life for me to know that the only place I want to be is where He wants me, walking by the Spirit and in His will. This much is certain. So I pray to this end, going after something using the mind God has given me, redeemed, and cultivated until He closes the door. In all of these questions, I am reminded of a lesson the Lord taught me in the first few weeks of living in Cement City. Acts 17:24-25 reads as follows:

“The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.” Acts 17:24-25

Whatever we choose to do, whether it’s live in Seattle, Denton, Memphis, Philly, France, Madagascar, Dubai, Moscow, Shanghai, Bihar, (you get the idea), it is not God that relies on us to do His will but we that rely on and seek God to do His will. The Lord is just that, The Lord, and He accomplishes His will however He chooses, but He offers a life of abundant joy to those who will lay down their lives in service of Him. To His children, He commands discipleship. God commands renewal of the mind. He commands purity. But in doing these things, it is God and God alone who brings about change and it is our unequaled privilege to observe God work. To pray for Him to move in people’s lives, see it happen, and praise Him for it, and also just for being God. In many ways, the new ‘clothes’ we put on at different stages in life should be defined by this:

“For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.” Gal 3:27 In Context

So, go forth as those who have been clothed with Christ, given His Spirit, ambassadors of the truth of God (!), in whatever job or city He leads you to. And lastly, to dismantle everything I said above, for some people it means laying down your interests, preferences, and talents to go preach the gospel somewhere completely foreign to you. Not everyone, but some. I’m processing whether or not I’m in this category as well.

Grace and peace,
Steven

PS If you finished reading this, you get the reading marathon (951 words) prize as well as my apologies. This was as much for my needed therapeutic reflection as anything else. I hope that I can promise shorter, more reader-friendly posts in the future.